YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out my window on Main Street, and one of the pleasures of my life at this point is a weekly lunch with some of my classmates.
Our regular group includes Ronnie Yates, Loy D. Dildy and sometimes Tim Freel. Together we comprise about a fourth of the surviving male members of the NHS class of 1961. We used to be joined by Ray Blakely, Joe Ball and Jack Lovelis, but sadly they’re gone now.
Lately, we’ve been meeting on Thursdays in the back room at the Center Point Store.
Center Point is actually the old stomping grounds of classmate Yates who went into the Air Force after college. He served a dozen years and exited as a Captain. He flew huge jets. After he got out of uniform he was a private pilot for a famous rich family. He’s the most physically fit of our group. He takes off on long-distance coastal trips on his Harley. Long distance for my bladder these days is a one-way trek to Center Point for lunch.
Loy D. is related by blood or marriage to nearly all of Howard County. He’s a retired pharmacist. In my mind he is STILL the captain of the Scrapper football team.
Tim founded a bank; operated businesses; and served as administrator at our community’s beloved Howard County Children’s Center. Now he’s mostly a duck hunter.
We meet for lunch, and the ‘regulars’ at the Store are now accustomed to seeing us. Some of them still sneer, though.
I believe the regulars recognize me because I’m the one with food stains on the front of his shirt. It’s because with old age comes drooling.
Food staining is not actually a new thing. It started several years ago when I began taking lunch home to eat alone.
I realized that at the rate of about one per day my shirts were getting permanent food stains on the front. After some deep thought I came to the conclusion that the only way to avoid the waste of a shirt was to take it off while eating.
There was no way I would be a neater eater, but there was nothing to keep me from being a bare-chested one.
No problem. I was home alone. No witnesses. No shame.
A Habit
But then shirtless eating became a habit. I started taking off my shirt anytime I had lunch. Home or not, alone or not.
Problems arose, naturally. Dining topless resulted in complaints from UA-Cossatot cosmetology students when the Rotary Club met there during the lunch hour.
The folks at McDonald’s said I could take off my shirt but only in the drive-thru line when ordering with their app.
At Starz Family Restaurant, employees at the take-out window told me that I had really let myself go. I thanked them for the compliment even though I was already sucking in my tummy.
I told myself: “Ignore those cruel comments, and just think of all the shirts you’re saving.”
I patronize just about all of the food places in town, so I asked the high school language teacher to tell me what “por favor ponga la camisa” means.
She said it’s Spanish for “please put your shirt on.” That’s what I hear at all of our Mexican places.
I’ve had some embarrassing confrontations at local events.
JA’s Breakfast with Santa was disaster. Syrup and chest hair.
The Peach Blossom Festival crowds booed and pointed when I walked down the middle of Main Street shirtless with my snow cone.
The Chamber of Commerce has asked me to skip the next ribbon-cutting and community coffee.
I’m afraid this isn’t over. I dread getting my usual halftime cheeseburger at the Band Boosters concession window at Scrapper Stadium. Especially in cold weather in the playoffs.
That yellow mustard really stands out on the front of my orange hoodie.
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DO EITHER of you recall my recent column about the annual Pacific Ocean current? Well, perfessers now say it is “El Niño,” and it portends a very hot summer followed by a very cold winter.
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HOME OF THE BRAVE. More than a dozen ‘No Kings’ protestors Sunday afternoon. They reported no shouted obscenities from passing motorists who had a different viewpoint.
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MORE THINGS I LEARNED from opening an email: The circus is finding it hard to recruit new clowns — they’re all in Congress.
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WORD GAMES. I love oxymorons. “It was an Open Secret which candidate Arkies would support in the election.”
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HE SAID: “I have embraced crying mothers who have lost their children because our politicians put their personal agendas before the national good. I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens.” Donald Trump, 45th and 47th President
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SHE SAID: “Success makes so many people hate you. I wish it wasn’t that way. It would be wonderful to enjoy success without seeing envy in the eyes of those around you.” Marilyn Monroe, actress
Marilyn, has it really been 50 years?
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
