YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out my window on Main Street, and I have a sneaking suspicion that the Powers-That-Be are going to overlook the anniversary of a big event in the history of our town.
Actually, the anniversary date has already passed — I’m talking about the day in 2009 when a dozen Arkansas Game & Fish Commission (G&FC) guys gathered at dawn at the wastewater treatment pond south of Walmart on Highway 27B.
They were there to do something about the resident population of Canada Geese which had totally gotten out of hand. In fact, the big birds were disrupting nearby traffic, and may have been trying to flag down drivers to ask for handouts of corn.
As both of you know, the official name of the body of water is Lake Chiffon. If you don’t believe me just look on Google Maps. This newspaper declines to use the trashy other name for the impoundment — Lake Lottahockey. We’re fortunate that they don’t call it Pooper Pond.
But I digress.
On that memorable day the uniformed Arkie G&FC biologists arrived with a half-dozen boats which they launched with much grumbling.
The Arkie G&FC Navy herded the birds to the bank and they were unceremoniously tossed into a cattle trailer and were hauled off to a lake near Lewisville.
Why didn’t the geese simply fly away?
I have been reliably told that it was because the geese were molting and were thus unable to get airborne to safety. How clever these biologists were to choose the right time!!
Maybe as many as a dozen birds escaped anyway, and as soon as the G&FC cattle trailer left they came back to restart the Lake Chiffon population of Canada Geese.
At the time, Liz McDaniel was a city employee at the wastewater treatment plant. She was also the City’s Unofficial Chief Disinformation Spokesman for Lake Chiffon.
I asked her what the Lake Chiffon Monster did whilst the pond was invaded by the G&FC Navy.
She said that the Monster — if it really existed at all — was nowhere in sight. She said she was not admitting it existed, but if it did it was probably as big as a Chevy Crewcab. If it slinked away from the action — if it even existed — it would have left a wake as big as a Coast Guard Ice-breaker. That is, if it existed which she was not admitting.
The newspaper reporter did manage to get his story, but had left his camera/phone at home on the charger, so he did not get a picture of the 12 Arkie G&FC biologists’ uniforms abandoned and hanging on the fence which the city had put up to keep visitors away.
The uniforms were rather fragrant from all the splashing of the Great Goose Roundup, and the biologists insisted they did not want the uniforms returned.
Same with the square-nosed boats they used to herd the geese to shore. And the paddles. And the lifevests. You can pick ‘em up cheap.
City Hall has excused itself for ignoring the anniversary, saying that the remaining resident geese cause no problem.
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MORE THINGS I LEARNED from opening an email: Half the people you know are below average.
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AND ANOTHER THING. Sometime in recent weeks I’ve become unable to turn pages of my book,whether at bedside or at church. And I am unable to get dental floss to let go of my fingers.
No cash reward offered for any useful suggestions.
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HAVEN’T SEEN IT, yet, but I understand that the ‘Farmers Almanac’ is predicting a wetter, colder winter for the Southern states. Usually pretty accurate.
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HINDSIGHT. This is a needed repeat of part of last week’s column.
Ain’t hindsight great? There are some ‘experts’ in the U.S. Senate who have attacked Dr. Anthony Fauci for his handling of the Covid crisis.
He was a physician, scientist and immunologist, and was medical advisor to the President during that crisis.
He is being raked over the coals for the shutdown of the country and his efforts effort to stop the spread of what we now know was a fatal virus. I am thinking about some wonderful local people who still died of Covid despite all efforts.
Hindsight is so nice. We can also look back and say it was too bad that we dropped The Bomb on Japan to end WWII.
Rest assured these guys think they know more about the spread of lethal viruses than a mere immunologist.
The same people that are attacking Dr. Fauci don’t want you to have your children vaccinated against measles.
I wish the GOP senators would get to the bottom of why all Epstein Files can’t seem to be released as ordered by the courts.
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HE SAID: “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” Confucius, Chinese philosopher
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SHE SAID: ““An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” Dame Agatha Christie, British author of detective novels
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
