YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out my window on Main Street, and I have an important question for you: What did you do when the lights went out?
A week or so ago there was a widespread electric outage. I know this because it got very dark in my house and neighborhood. I could hear the rich people’s emergency generators start up. Them that have them. But I digress.
When the lights went out I was sitting at my desktop computer at the ‘back’ of my house. In my daughter’s ‘old’ bedroom which I have cleverly re-purposed.
It got dark and quiet.
Not to worry I told myself. Months earlier I had cleverly placed a fine flashlight on the bedside table just a few steps away. I figured 4 or 5 steps to get to the hallway; 2 steps to get to my bedroom where I cleverly kept the flashlight; and then 8 or 9 more steps to that bedside table.
The problem is that I got lost before I even got out of the computer room.
My late wife and I built that house in 1977. She and I had stained the walls and closet doorframes.
I was confident I could find my way around barefooted even in extreme dark.
Wrong. I got so lost I couldn’t even find the door to the hall.
Finally I managed to grope my way back to the chair at the computer desk again, and I managed to get myself at least pointed in the correct direction of the hall.
Two careful steps, and I was through the hall and into the bedroom.
Now I shuffled in little bitty steps because there were tables and chair legs and a cedar chest and steel bed legs lurking in the dark just hoping for an encounter with a toe. It has happened before.
I inched my way toward the end of the house where for 49 years the bed was.
AHA!! Victory! My fingers found the table, then the flashlight which still worked just fine.
Please note: I did all this without managing to stub even one toe. The flashlight got me to the living room and I tried to sleep on a recliner.
Lights came back on sometime after midnight, and I set about getting the time right on all of my @#$%& flashing digital clocks.
But I was cheerful because I had not kicked a single solid object.
Can you guess where this is going?
After I got home from church Sunday and changed into something casual, I waddled into the kitchen.
There, in broad daylight and under bright overhead kitchen lights, and for no good reason whatsoever I kicked the base of a counter.
It was solid wood. As hard as the Rock of Gibraltar.
I sincerely hope that the neighbors and my Guardian Angel did not hear what came out of my mouth.
The third toe on my right foot has become extremely purple. The swelling of the toe went down somewhat overnight, and I was able to put on some shoes and hobble to my desk at work. The toe is somewhat askew but I’m trying to ignore that. I’m looking at the brighter side, and have ordered flashlights for every room in the house.
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NOT ALL READERS want to give this columnist a good paddling for his remarks that are perceived to be Anti-President Trump.
I am going to frame a letter I got this week from a reader who says he agrees wholeheartedly with the remarks, and for me to keep up the good work.
The late great Arkansas Governor and U.S. Senator Dale Bumpers once told me that if I didn’t offend someone some of the time, then I wasn’t doing my job.
I am repeating this MC Revelation because I never get any compliments, and I’m pretty desperate.
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THE VERY definition of irony. In their private talks last week, President Trump asked Chinese President Xi Jinping for some rose bush seeds for the White House Rose Garden. Trump said he had admired some roses in the Chinese palace garden where the two most powerful men in the world were meeting.
Our own famous Rose Garden, planted by First Lady Jackie Kennedy, was dug up and paved over last year by President Trump. Maybe he’ll have the Chinese seeds planted at the Trump Triumphant Arch when it gets built.
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MORE THINGS I LEARNED from opening an email: Two things to make your day better — (1) Don’t watch the news; and (2) don’t go near the bathroom scales.
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WORD GAMES. I love oxymorons. There was a difficult situation last week when we used up the last of our Paper Towels.
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HE SAID: “How many emperors and how many princes have lived and died and no record of them remains, and they only sought to gain dominions and riches in order that their fame might be ever-lasting.” Leonardo da Vinci, Italian artist, scientist and more
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SHE SAID: “Kids come out of the chute liking science. They ask, ‘How come? Why? What’s this?’ They pick up stuff to examine it. We might not call that science, but it’s discovering the world around us.” Mae Jemison, engineer, physician and NASA astronaut
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
