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A Sweetheart Deal


Pokin’ Fun by Doc Blakely

Valentine’s Day has just come and gone. Most guys get a failing grade for thoughtfulness on this occasion and have to repeat the course until they get at least a D plus. Just this past Valentine a guy saw his wife wearing some read slacks bending over in the garden to pick some winter radishes in the Deep South. From his vantage point directly behind her, she looked exactly like a big red valentine. He resisted the temptation to tell her so but was reminded that Valentine’s Day was the next day. A plan began to develop in his mind.
The next morning she was standing in front of a full length mirror in her Victoria’s Secrets examining her physical status. She muttered, “Here I am at 35 looking like this.” He resisted the temptation to tell her that 35 was actually middle aged if you think about it.
Again she muttered, “I’ve got wrinkles on my wrinkles.” Again, he refrained from telling her that at least her eyesight was 20/20.
Then she said with a sigh, “Oh, if I were only 8 again.” Well, he remembered seeing old photos of her at that age and she was so skinny that she had to run around in the shower to get wet. So the plan suddenly came together.
The next evening a stretch limo arrived at the house. He presented her with a bouquet of red lollipops and off they went to see the show at the traveling circus. They went to the midway and rode all the rides, ate cotton candy, got to meet Big Bird and Kermit the Frog, ate a Happy Meal at McDonalds and slid down the kiddie slide eating French fries. On the way back to the limo he gave her a big hug and said, “Well my Sweetheart, being 8 again, how was it?” She replied, “When I said I would like to be 8 again I was talking about my dress size you idiot!”
The challenge goes on to find just the right thing to do to please your spouse on that special day, which is any old day any old way, by the way. A redneck friend of mine eats everything fried. His friends have nicknamed him The Count of Monte Crisco. So his wife told him for Valentine’s Day she wanted him to take her on a fine dining experience. She selected the restaurant, a Japanese Shushi Bar. He was the only guy in the restaurant with his wallet on a chain but he took her just to show her how much he cared for her and told her if they could make it snappy he’d even take her bowling. I asked him how it went. He said, “That Shushi would be alright if they would just cook it but the rubbing alcohol wasn’t half bad. I’ve heard of guys having to Cowboy Up, Pony Up or Shut Up but this Valentine’s I had to Culture Up.” www.docblakely.com