Pokin’ Fun by Doc Blakely
As the old saying goes, “No matter where you find yourself, there you are.” Some people say that doesn’t make sense, others may say it isn’t funny. My view is that you can’t take back the laugh even if it doesn’t make sense.
Here’s an example. A farmer was asked how things were going for him. He said, “Terrible. I lost a million dollars in the livestock market today.” When asked how that happened he said, “Hogs went up 15 dollars a hundred and I didn’t have any.”
I was in Arcola, Illinois recently. There are a lot of Amish folks there. They drive the most beautiful carriages I’ve ever seen, enclosed, weather proof, pulled by a black horse just as beautiful. Each carriage had one of those slow moving triangle signs on the back of it. There was a special lane marked off for carriages on the state highways and they moved at a pretty good clip but no match for cars. I saw one with two kids riding on top of the carriage. They had their arms out and were going “Whee” and laughing up a storm. I texted my son what I had seen and mentioned those buggies sure were slow. He texted back that they needed higher octane oats. I know, theoretically that doesn’t make sense but I find it funny.
Now here’s a true story, so help me Donald Trump, about Bill, a poor, uneducated soul that had a small ranch and needed some money to make improvements. Bill asked his rich neighbor if he would loan him $10,000. The neighbor told Bill that he was not in the business of loaning money but would go with him to the bank and help him get a loan. Now keep in mind that Bill didn’t know come here from sic’em but he entered the temple of the money changers and met with the high priest at the altar of the sun.
The President said Bill would need a financial statement. Bill said, “What’s zat?” He was told that would be a statement of his assets and liabilities. Bill gave him that blank stare you see when a calf sees a new gate so the banker explained that assets were things he owned like land, stock, house, barns, equipment, etc. Bill told him he had 140 acres of land, 23 cows, two mules, a house, barn and 17 Guinea Hens that roosted in a mesquite tree. When liabilities were explained he said, in so many words, they were zip to the highest power. The President then told him that his financial statement amounted to $200,000 so he would approve the loan for $10,000 with that kind of collateral.
Bill said, “Wait a minute, you mean I have $200,000?” The banker said, “You could say that, according to your financial statement.” Bill replied, “In that case, cancel that loan. I’ll just borrow $10,000 from myself.” www.docblakely.com
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Humorist Doc Blakely is a professional speaker/writer/musician/rancher from Wharton, Texas. He has been Pokin’ Fun at himself and life for 40 years.