YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out my window on Main Street, glad to be back at my keyboard. Since I spent most of last week in the hospital, I’ve not had time enough to cook up any devilment. Therefore I am repeating most of last week’s column expanded. It also helps that ‘our’ situation in the Gulf of Hormuz is more-or-less fluid, depending on the news cycle of the lying media and the President’s own late night sensible posts.
I am also glad that ‘we’ have been able to freely and safely get through the Strait of Hormuz.
No, wait. It’s blocked. No, wait, we can get through if we pay Iran.
At least we’ve wiped out their bad guys. No, wait, there’s been a change.
At least we’ve rendered their nuclear program useless. No, wait, there’s been a change.
At least we’ve stopped them from bombing Israel. No, wait, there’s been a change.
At least their leaders are giving in to the President’s demands. No, wait, there’s been a change.
At least we’ve got the President’s own Social Media poster of him in the role of doctor.
No, wait, there’s been a change.
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AND YES, I was hospitalized for 3 days, admitted from the Emergency Room.
My daughter (who coaxed me to go to the ER and who stayed the whole time with me) says I owe apologies to many members of Howard Memorial’s staff.
Apologies owed — not particularly for anything I did or said — but for what became my very offensive Bed Head.
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PEACH BLOSSOM 5k run. Neither me nor either of my regular readers can hardly wait.
The race will be a part of our chamber of commerce’s annual festival which will be Saturday morning, May 2. The race will begin at 8 a.m. in the parking lot of First Baptist Church, and — with their blessings — will conclude in the same place.
If you’re a participant, feel free to pass out and fall down either at the finish line or along the way.
Participants pay a $35 registration fee for the pleasure of running, and they get a swell medal to show that they ran.
If the chamber really cared there would be someone at the finish line to hand out a large frozen Peach Daiquri to each finisher. Non-alcoholic for Baptist runners. Baptist runners probably don’t even know how to pronounce OR spell Daiquri.
While they’re gasping and running, I will be strolling up and down Main Street enjoying the annual event which salutes our peaches.
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LAND SPEED RECORD? Is any agency checking on the logtrucks that are currently going and coming through Nashville? They come in from the east on Hwy. 371, loaded, and head out that same way empty.
Fast? One was so fast last week that it had a sonic boom. I sincerely hope and pray that none of them ever need to stop quickly for a puppy or a doddering senior citizen.
When the trucks are eastbound they gain speed naturally because Bishop Street is a slight grade downhill. When the trucks are westbound they must gather speed early at Road Mart in order to haul their heavy bulk uphill.
Either way, speed limits don’t seem to apply.
IF Nashville was enterprising and IF Nashville had a duly appointed J-Turn Enforcement Officer and IF that exemplary officer volunteered his/her off duty hours …… then maybe the aforementioned officer could brandish his/her firearm and catch the attention of those jet jockeys.
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MORE THINGS I LEARNED from opening an email: If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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WORD GAMES. I love oxymorons: When interviewing for a job on a television show I was told to Act Naturally.
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HE SAID: “Wisdom is oftentimes nearer when we stoop than when we soar.” William Wordsworth, English poet
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SHE SAID: “They think they can make fuel from horse manure — now, I don’t know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it’s sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.” Billie Holiday, American jazz singer
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
