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Mine Creek Revelations: Drooling On Shirts

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YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out my window on Main Street and I need to resurrect one of my old columns about drooling on the front of my shirts at the dinner table.

In my memory the column was truly hilarious. People might have laughed for weeks maybe even months after it was in the newspaper. I say this in all modesty,

The problem is that I do not have the slightest idea when the column appeared.

After the column was published one of my readers brought me a homemade ‘bib’ which even had pockets stuffed with weight-related items and a coupon for attending Weight Watchers.

Does Weight Watchers still exist here? I’ve been a member many times, and I always lost weight. But then I would stray from counting fat grams. I’d start taking off my shoes for weigh-ins..

Then I came up with creative reasons for missing meetings. I did this every time. Every time the needle on the WW scales would bounce back.

Once I looked into starting an Overeaters Anonymous chapter. The nearest one was in Mena. I thought about driving up there to see what a Overeater meeting was like, but stayed in Nashville because I didn’t want to miss the opening of a new donut place.

I need to find where I’ve hidden the bib my friendly reader made.

Last week while granddaughter was in town we went out to one of our local Mexican restaurants.

By the time I got through eating there was queso, refritos, rice y crumbs from chips plastered all over the front of my shirt.

I jokingly said I was going to take my shirt off and granddaughter looked at me in horror.

So, I’m still believable when I say outrageous things. Otherwise, you can believe anything you read here.

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THOSE HOGS. The world-famous #1 Fair Weather Arkansas Razorback Fan has received a telegram begging him NOT to attend a Hog baseball game this season.

The telegram cited jinxed results of football, basketball and Lady Razorback seasons.

I am ashamed to admit that I never attended a baseball game during my student days in Fayetteville. This was so long ago that the team did not even have matching uniforms. Players took to the field wearing caps from their favorite pro teams, two of which no longer exist.

And they had to borrow gloves from the opposing team.

Some of the opposing teams were schools that were poor. The players made lunch money by ‘detailing’ area chicken trucks.

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OUR ELECTIONS. How odd that there is a runoff ballot for the Republican nomination for state representative; the Democrat nomination for one district of the Howard County Quorum Court; and non-partisan nominations for the Arkansas Supreme Court and for a seat on the Mineral Springs School Board.

IT IS IMPORTANT that Howard Countians get out and vote. Especially so for the state representative’s race. Dolly Henley is a known commodity here because of her great work for Nashville City Parks.

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MORE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS. Last week I mentioned that I had to bribe a neighborhood kid to change the clock in my truck.

This year he hesitated until I surrendered and agreed to increase the payoff.

Daughter Julie came by the house and managed to reset the Atomic Clock for the new Daylight Saving Time hours. At least she didn’t hit me up for a bribe.

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THE GOOD EARTH. Spring began Tuesday with overnight temps in the 20s. More and more I believe in the old wisdom about not planting until Easter.

Banana palms are coming up in their corner of the yard, but the fronds of the Sago palm are all brown owing to those fearfully cold nights earlier.

No matter. The Sago fronds make great kindling for the firepit, and I know from experience that the Sago doesn’t wake until June. Lou Jamiison says it’s too soon to know about ‘our’ peaches.

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THINGS I LEARNED by opening email: “I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.”

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ANIMAL CRACKERS. He said (beaming): “I am a Dad, again.”

I walked out on my patio the other morning and a streak of blue shot from the bluebird box up to the highline.

Later that day I coerced my granddaughter into peering into the bluebird box to see if some bluebird couple had perhaps built a nest there.

Granddaughter exclaimed, “You’ve got four tiny blue eggs.”

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WORD GAMES. Baseball pitcher siblings: Curve and Slider.

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HE SAID: “I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.” Isaac Newton, mathematician and philosopher

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SHE SAID: “We are a country where people of all backgrounds, all nations of origin, all languages, all religions, all races, can make a home. America was built by immigrants.” Hillary Clinton, First Lady, senator, Secretary of State

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby

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