Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations: On Stinkbugs and A Sensitive Male Story

Mine Creek Revelations: On Stinkbugs and A Sensitive Male Story

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YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out of the newspaper’s window on Main Street and I INTENDED to give you an informative column about how the progressive country of Kuwait is fearful that the sudden appearance of yoga classes is leading their country straight to hell in a handbasket. More about this later after I address the following sensitive news item about a male skier at the Olympics.

I WAS going TRY to give a socially acceptable explanation of that poor Olympic skier from Finland who suffered a frozen P#N#S in the cross-country ski event. I won’t write much about this because I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested. Apparently the Finn competitive ski uniforms are rather thin. That inadequate uniform, combined with horrible weather conditions in China, is apparently how his P#N#S froze. (This is also a column about how ‘normal’ changes over a few decades — I can’t imagine what my editor father would have said about me even mentioning someone’s P#N#S in this column.)

So, I won’t write further about how the Chinese Olympic medics cured Mr. Finland’s frostbitten P#N#S with acupuncture.

You’ll have to imagine. In the privacy of your own home.

But things are blessedly warmer in Kuwait, which is another of those Arab Muslim nations where the rich crazies rule (a lot like Texas). The religious leaders know for sure that Muslim men don’t need to even think about Muslim wimmen in yoga pants (also a lot like Texas).

Cheer up, ladies. At least you can now drive automobiles in Kuwait. You just can’t drive while wearing yoga pants and you must have a male relative to supervise you on the way to-at-and-from Beginner Yoga Class.

What I REALLY want to write about today is ……

STINKBUGS!

An article in one of my fave on line publications — ‘Birds & Booms’ — brags that it can tell you how to get rid of Stinkbugs.

First of all, the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug is different from the Green Stink Bug in that the former is invasive. Came from Asia in a shipping container. It does a lot more damage to our vegetable gardens and fruit orchards than the Green Stink Bug does.

The Brown Marmorated Stink Bug is hungrily chewing away on tomato plants, peas and plum trees in 47 states, including Arkansas. It survives winter and keeps on going.

Guess how it gets its name?

And the e-magazine has a tip how to hold down proliferation of this species in your garden or orchard.

The tip: Don’t get them in the first place.

How’s that for helpful?

Marmorated refers to the ‘marbled’ appearance of their body’s protective shell which — if the bug is crushed accidentally or on purpose — emits a foul odor. You will be sorry if you crush a Brown Marmorated Stink Bug. The Green Sink Bug odor is not as bad, but ……

The brown bug’s odor is something to be avoided at all cost, just like groin frostbite in a cross country ski race.

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FOR YOU weather pessimists, Hurricane Season is less than 100 days away. I am in luck. None of the storm names are Louie.

There are twenty-one names going from Alex to Walter. Alternating male and female names. Hope we don’t need many.

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THE GOOD EARTH.  This time of year I am in the grip of anticipation. Looking forward to keeping up with Razorback baseball, and also looking forward to the appearance of green fuzzy stuff on the limbs of deciduous trees which line my rural patrol routes.

As soon as I stop paying attention the fuzz will appear, just like how I will miss the annual arrival of Mississippi Kites in May.

Here we are in the last days of February which means that March is almost here and that means green fuzz on tree limbs.

Any day now we’ll notice an end to news stories about Finnish skiers.

We’ve already got jonquils popping up at old homesites on rural roads. Carolina jasmine and flowering red quince will add color to our daily visual diet. And, yes, even low thin clouds of yellow pollen.

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PLEASE GET the Covid-19 vaccine. Do your part to stop the spread of the virus. You can be a good example for others.

The persons who require hospitalization and ventilators in Intensive Care Units are almost all unvaccinated. Most of the people who die skipped their own vaccinations.

Get vaccinated. I can’t afford to lose either of my regular readers.

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email. 

According to the Redneck Book of Driving Etiquette: “Do not squall tires or burn donuts in the funeral home parking lot before leaving in a funeral procession.”

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WORD GAMES. Rivalrous siblings: Petted and Pampered. “Momma always liked you best,” she hissed at her younger sister.

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HE SAID: “There is nothing which can better deserve your patronage, than the promotion of science and literature. Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness.” George Washington, general of the colonial army and first president of the United States of America 

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SHE SAID: “If you are looking down while you are walking it is better to walk uphill; the ground is nearer.” Gertrude Stein, expatriate novelist and poet

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby

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