BITE YOUR TONGUE!
That three word command has been shouted at me more than once.
It is an exhortation from someone who thinks I’m either about to say something REALLY inappropriate, or REALLY negatively prophetic, OR I have just said something really inappropriate or negatively prophetic.
On those occasions when I’ve actually bitten my tongue or the inside of my cheek, I have usually bitten REALLY well.
“I juth bi ma thung ad
it hurths like hell!”
That’s what I usually say.
I read an article that said people usually inflict this pain upon themselves in the course of eating, talking or sleeping.
Yep, I’ve been chewing on something delicious when I crunched a dent into tongue or cheek.
Yep, I’ve been talking with friends, relatives, perfect strangers, or “Angela,” the telemarketer who wants to save me some money on a trip to Juarez when I powered a molar through flesh.
Yep, I’ve been sleeping and enjoying a perfectly normal dream of me whipping UA Coach Burt Bulimia’s backside with a boat paddle when I practically bit through my tongue.
That same article said that another way people bite their own tongue is during sporting activities. I’m sure the author envisioned an someone swinging a golf club, or jumping into a duck blind, or getting into the Mixed Martial Arts octagon for three rounds with Rhonda Rousey. But there are other activities that qualify under ‘sporting.’
I suppose that’s what happened to me Saturday afternoon.
I was listening to the Razorback football game against Cupcake College, and my blood pressure may have been up just a bit.
I was multi-tasking — trying to yell at the TV and slurp low-cal cheese dip at the same time. When Cupcake College ‘scooped and scored’ to go up two touchdowns in the third quarter I may have leaped up out of my recliner.
Let’s see that’s talking, eating, sporting event and ……
At the apex of my leap something really bad and terrible and awful and painful happened.
I must have passed out because I woke up late in the fourth quarter. Sometime while I was leaping or ‘asleep’ I must have bitten myself again. It has been mercifully erased from my memory.
That’s talking, eating, sporting event and sleeping. Is there any other way to bite your own tongue or cheek? For goodness sake don’t answer that question because it will happen. I will figger out a way to do it to myself.
Lying on the floor in my living room, I was suddenly regretting all of the jalapenos and Louisiana Hot Sauce with which I had infused the cheese dip.
“I juth bi ma thung ad ith hurth like hell”
Next time I visit my dentist, Ole Doc Painless, I’m gonna ask him to grind off the edges of my molars and maybe I can cut back on these unfortunate episodes.
Yes. That ‘cut back’ statement means this was not the first time this season a painful bite has occurred.
Those events coincide directly with: TCU. Texas A&M. Alabama. South Carolina. Auburn. Cupcake College.
I’m dreading LSU, Mississississippi State and Mizzou. More specifically, my tongue and cheek are dreading those weekends.
The best solution is to cut back on the spicy stuff in the cheese dip.
Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.
• • • • • • • • • •
THE GOOD EARTH. How quickly it happened! Many trees are giving their annual fall performance, but I notice they are also losing their red and yellow and maroon and pink colored leaves fast. That’s possibly due to our weird 2017 summer/fall weather. Hot/chilly, dry/wet.
My late wife had town route she liked to drive at this time of the year just to see the colors of certain trees. I remember her favorite trees and have visited them.
Alas, like her, some are gone.
• • • • • • • • • •
AREN’T YOU GLAD we’ve got Howard Memorial Hospital? One of my friends recently posted on Facebook about the wonderful, attentive care she got at Howard Memorial. We all hate to be hospitalized, and when it happens we sure do appreciate professional medical care and being treated like we are someone special.
Tell your congressman and senators that you want them to protect Arkansas’s rural hospitals.
Your life might depend upon it.
• • • • • • • • • •
THINGS I LEARNED from opening email:
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
• • • • • • • • • •
WORD GAMES. The Twins: Truth or Consequences.
Either the name of a TV show, or a town in New Mexico.
• • • • • • • • • •
HE SAID: “Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.” Earl Nightingale, motivational speaker and writer
• • • • • • • • • •
SHE SAID: “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” Reba McEntire, singer and actress (who appeared once at the Pine Tree Festival in Dierks)
• • • • • • • • • •
SWEET DREAMS, Baby
