Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Smell? What smell?

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Smell? What smell?


MY GREAT FEAR of being invited to appear on a hoarder TV show is finally letting up a bit.

That’s because I have found some creative ways to combat my instinct to save everything. I mean everything. Well, I don’t save used dental floss, but that’s just about the only thing.

First of all, I have kept a souvenir of at least one coffee cup from every place I have visited since 1954. Do you have any concept of how much room 548 coffee cups takes up?

Well, that number is going down, now, thank goodness. Here’s what I do: I go to the Farmers’ Market every Friday and I take my own coffee cup. I drink their complimentary coffee whilst I sample the demonstration dish of the day (unless it’s something with beets or English peas).

Then I just walk away and leave that cup on the table. So far I’ve cleverly and secretly shed maybe a dozen cups. Don’t tell anyone.

I admit that at this rate it will take me a while to significantly reduce the number of coffee cups that are stacked in my guest bedrooms and the utility room. Before I began this disposal system I had unfortunately begun stashing coffee cups in the clothesdryer.

I have also found that the police station and the library are good places to leave coffee cups. And laundromats are good.

Take a test drive at Gary Dan’s. Leave a cup behind the seat.

Second. Unwanted mail. I get about a dozen magazines in a month’s time. I don’t get to read all of them, but they keep coming because I hate to tell Allison “no” when she calls me with her whiney sales pitch to renew subscriptions. Plus, there’s always that chance I will win Publisher’s Clearinghouse and receive $1,000 a day for the rest of my life.

Also, I get lots of unwanted business mail. Pre-need burial insurance, chain letters, televangelistic promises of wealth, etc.

What I like to do is to cut the mailing labels off the pieces of mail and distribute them around Nashville’s doctor offices. I do not discrimmininininate against the dentist or chiropractor offices, either. So, I get rid of a significant amount of unwanted mail that way.

If you want to try this method of unwanted mail disposal, I really really recommend removal of your mailing labels; otherwise the next time your dentist has you in his chair you could be in for an uncomfortable time. This may sting just a bit.

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The last of my 2017 doctor experiences, hopefully, was having the foot doc attend to an ingrown big toe nail recently.

Part of the recovery treatment was that I was to soak the offending big toe daily in a mixture of warm water, salt and white vinegar.

I did it religiously for 20 minutes every day. I didn’t quit even when I was told by the Navigator that my big toe was beginning to smell like pickles.

“What else can happen?” I stupidly asked myself.

I’ll tell you what else.

I ran out of salt. Whilst scouring the spice cabinet in hopes of finding a long lost container of salt, I came across a forgotten container of garlic salt.

Beggars can’t be choosers. I mixed up a batch of warm water, garlic salt and white vinegar.

After a few days dogs began following me around the neighborhood because my foot now smelled like marinated steak.

“What else can happen?” I stupidly asked myself.

I’ll tell you what else.

I ran out of white vinegar, and the only thing I could find was an old jug of balsamic vinegar which was cleverly hidden on the back row of the spice cabinet.

Now my foot smells like grilled chicken salad. With pickles.

I’d write more about this but I’m getting hungry.

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A FEW random thoughts on the passage of my 74th birthday, last Friday.

1. My sincere thanks to NASA for having the Cassini Space Probe smash itself into the surface of Saturn as a way to mark my birthday. I would like some 8x10s of the probe’s last moments.

2. I’m sure there was something else but I’m having a senior moment.

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BECAUSE OF MY fondness of Louise Fox, I share some info about foxes which I ran across in ‘LiveScience.com.’ Foxes are found on practically every continent. They are fast and have excellent eyesight and hearing (they can hear bugs digging underground).

They have short lives, living maybe only three years in the wild. They mate for life except there are a few polygamist foxes which like to have more than one mate at a time. Luckily they don’t live long.

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

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WORD GAMES. The twins, Sitting and Waiting. They don’t get a lot done, but their patience is to be admired.

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HE SAID: “If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then unto me.” William Shakespeare, playwright

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SHE SAID: “Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.” Dorothea Lange, documentary photographer

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