Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: My fone hate me

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: My fone hate me


HAVE I MENTIONED how much I hate the new cell phones?

I loved my old ‘flip phone,’ but Mr. Verizon took it away and won’t give it back.

The new phone does waaaaay too much stuff, and it is far too complicated.

I had been getting a message saying it was time to update the danged phone. I resisted for months, and then — stoopidly — one night I tapped ‘Yes.’

I worried about it all night long, and for good reason.

Woke up in the morning and the phone was totally useless because it wouldn’t do anything until I gave it the password.

What password?

Have I mentioned how much I hate new cell phones?

I adjusted the phone with a claw hammer, and then went and gave Mr. Verizon waaaaay too much money for a new unadjusted one.

A sweet, competent lady named Cookie helped me get it working. It took her 30 seconds.

AND THEN THERE are the dreaded ‘dead zones.’

I was driving between Murfreesboro and Delight recently when my cardiologist’s office in Little Rock tried to call me.

Before the office lady could spit out her message, my phone ‘dropped’ the call.

This was disconcerting because I was nervously waiting to hear the results of some heart tests.

“Can you hear me now?” she’d ask (there was a time when I thought that TV commercial was funny; but no more).

Have I mentioned how much I hate all cell phones?

She’d call back. I’d try to return her call. It was no use. We kept dropping. I was truly in a dead zone.

I was getting frantic because — what if she was trying to tell me to get to the nearest emergency room — and she couldn’t connect long enough to choke out the dire message?

And it’s not so good to be doing all this phone stuff  while driving on a curvy highway, either.

I pulled to the side of the road and tried to return her call. No way.

I decided to get back on the road and drive like hell for a few miles and maybe I’d find a place with a signal. But I couldn’t get on the road because (wouldn’t you know it) there was a procession of loaded logtrucks lumbering down the highway. I finally had to drive behind the procession practically to the town square at Murfreesboro before I could hear the good medical news.

The lady at the doc’s office kept saying: “You don’t have to shout, sir.”

“How did you know I’d finally gotten to Murfreesboro?” I shouted.

I DON’T LIKE to answer calls on the cell phone anyway. There’s not but one or two persons who are likely to call me. Other than them, it’s probably someone unsuccessfully dunning me about an overdue bill, or maybe it’s Heather who says I need to buy an extended warranty for my buggy. Or Angela who sincerely wants to help me take a trip to Cancun. Or Panoor who wants me to try her new credit card from a bank in Pakistan.

Have I mentioned how much I hate cell phones?

I hate to hurt Heather’s feelings. I always tell her no, but she calls next day anyway. Angela, Panoor and I are also getting to be the best of friends.

Someone from the endodendododontist’s office has also been trying to call, but I’m afraid to answer because of what I wrote about my recent visit to his office.

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THE GOOD EARTH. Here we are, practically in the middle of August, and we are under a flash flood watch! Fields and woods are as green as April. Mayor says he’s never seen anything like it.

Creeks are running brown. My yard can’t go a full week without really needing a mowing.

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STAR GAZING. Before dawn Saturday is the best time to see the annual Perseid Meteor Shower. Skies will be overcast.

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ANIMAL CRACKERS. Now that I’ve asked around about it, I’ve learned that the ‘skink’ lizard isn’t so uncommon. I had a dead one upside down on the bottom of my pool last week, and it was the first one I had ever seen. At first I thought it was a baby alligator. The head looked like a gator, or maybe a snake. But the tail was thick; the claws weren’t webbed. It was about a foot long.

I considered saving the carcass for medical science, but instead I turned it over to Waste Management.

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

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The twins: Divide and Conquer. They’re always looking for a way to win. And they won’t hesitate to cheat.

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HE SAID: “Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” John Muir, naturalist and author

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SHE SAID: “I plant a lot of trees. I am a great believer in planting things for future generations. I loathe the now culture where you just live for today.” Dame Penelope Keith, English actress

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