ROCKET LAUNCH. Maybe you missed Monday’s launch of a rocket taking a secret satellite into what is being called “low-Earth orbit.”
This is all very hush-hush, so please don’t tell anyone.
Thankfully, I have been able to learn some of the mission’s details. Like: the orbit is so low that the satellite’s cameras will be able to search for fire ant mounds. If you’re out in your back yard you’ll have to duck your head once every 24 hours or be decapitated.
But I digress. The satellite will then spray some kind of hush-hush liquid on the mound, forcing the queen to undergo ant transgender surgery.
With no queen, and the rest of the little darlings in dissarray (disarray, dissaray, whatever), the colony will have to elect a new queen. The queen isn’t necessarily elected by popular vote. No, there is a thing called the Ant Electoral College, and I think that their football team elects the new leader of the colony. The vote is by a show of hands, in this case, a show of claws divided by six.
There is no such thing as Fire Ant Potty Parity. No males are allowed to run for office, even if they offer to undergo transgender redirection. I kid you not.
• • • • • • • • • •
YOU EITHER LOVE President Trump. Or you hate him. Or, maybe like me, you’re somewhere in between but you’re worried.
I like some of the things he says he’s gonna do.
I do not like that he signed an executive order to review national wilderness lands set aside by Presidents George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and Barak Obama. I’ve been reading about the lands in LiveScience. Most of it is in the west — Colorado and Utah, but some are unique smaller places, like some little islands in Hawaii. One of the forces that reportedly (lying liberal media) influenced President Trump to do this is a big coal company which is itching to do some digging between some mesas that you’ve seen in John Wayne movies.
President Trump says that setting-aside the lands was ‘government overreach.’ In that case, I thank the government and those presidents for overreaching to save the canyons, islands, Indian archeology sites and pristine deserts for my granddaughter to see. Without oil wells pumping and giant machines boring for coal.
One other thing. I know that President Trump and many of his supporters do not like anything President Obama did. But one Obama thing I DID like was the executive order he signed to prevent persons with mental illness from easily buying firearms. Our new president has already undone that. Does that make you feel safer?
• • • • • • • • • •
ANIMAL CRACKERS. Grotesque, but fascinating. I couldn’t take my eyes off this real life drama.
On my way back to work one afternoon, out of the corner of my eye I caught some activity in a bushy lot two blocks off Main Street. I stopped and backed up; then parked on the side of the road to watch this show unfold.
At first it looked like a blond cat and a gray squirrel were playing. Then I realized that the cat had the poor squirrel by the throat. Mr. Squirrel’s thrashings with all four feet must’ve been his frantic attempts to claw loose.
But Cat wouldn’t let go. It was just like one of those wildlife films where a lioness grabs an antelope by the throat and holds on until the animal dies.
The squirrel didn’t give up easily, but I could tell his wriggling was growing weaker. Then, his movement finally stopped. During this time, the cat was watching me, daring me to intervene.
With the squirrel dangling lifeless from his jaws, Cat trotted off to some nearby bushes for lunch.
One one of my youthful canoe voyages on the Buffalo River, I observed a snake catch a fish and slither out onto the bank to devour it wriggling and headfirst.
I hate snakes.
Once I saw a hawk snatch a cardinal out of the air just above my neighbor’s side yard. They fell to the ground. The cardinal was screeching to high heaven. This time I decided to intervene. When I got to within about a dozen yards of the birds, Mr. Hawk just flexed his muscles and flew away with Mr. Cardinal still screeching in the grasp of his talons.
I do not blame Cardinal for screeching; I’m pretty sure that the cardinal was soon hawk’s lunch.
• • • • • • • • • •
THE TWINS. Few and Far Between. Their family name was Between, silly, but you’ve got to say the kids’ names in the right order. You never say “Far and Few Between.”
• • • • • • • • • •
THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: The fact that there is a ‘Highway to Hell’ and a ‘Stairway to Heaven’ tells you something about anticipated traffic volume.
• • • • • • • • • •
HE SAID: “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” Albert Einstein, scientist (He’s talking to YOU, Donald!)
• • • • • • • • • •
SHE SAID: “When the space shuttle’s engines cut off, and you’re finally in space, in orbit, weightless … I remember unstrapping from my seat, floating over to the window, and that’s when I got my first view of Earth. Just a spectacular view, and a chance to see our planet as a planet.” Sally Ride, physicist and astronaut
• • • • • • • • • •
SWEET DREAMS, Baby
