The pots, pans, dishes and flatware in my dishwasher were waaaaaay beyond overdue for a washing. With guests due to arrive in a few hours I figgered I had time to run the load.
Unfortunately, I had used up the last of the DISHWASHER liquid just a few months earlier. I rummaged around in the no-man’s land under the sink and came up with a dusty jug of concentrated DISHWASHING liquid.
DishwashER vs. dishwashING. See the difference?
Without thinking, I poured some blue stuff into the two thingys which usually hold dishwasher liquid. And then, my subconscious told me that I might be making a big mistake.
I wiped up as much of the DISHWASHING liquid as I could. Couldn’t get it all, however. But, I reasoned that the remaining dishwashing liquid would just help my dishes get cleaner. Next, I called the Navigator who unselfishly sold me what she claimed was her last dishwasher detergent ‘pod’ at a reasonable markup.
I started the load. After a few minutes, my dishwasher sounded strangely quiet. I looked into the kitchen, and was stunned to see soapsuds pouring out all the way around the seal on the front of the dishwasher. The suds already covered most of the kitchen floor, and they showed no sign of letting up. It looked like the high tide surf rolling in at Malibu.
I rushed over to the dishwasher and busted my fanny on the slippery tile floor.
I reached for my cellphone but it was — shall we say — sqwushed by the fall and soaked by the thick wet layer of suds.
Since I couldn’t call 9-1-1, I decided to drive to the firestation to beg for assistance.
I motored up the hill and took one look back at my house.
There was a geyser of white soapsuds squirting out of the kitchen roof vent. It looked like a snowy tsunami rolling toward the gutter. The scene reminded me of that fine, fine movie — “The Blob from Outer Space.” I saw it when it was half of a doublefeature at the Elberta Theatre with the latest Lash LaRue movie, “Lash and the Mystery of Jose Quervo’s Gold.” But that’s another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.
My story just gets worse.
First of all, I got a ticket for making a J-Turn into the parking lot at the fire station.
Second, my cellphone is small and it was sqwushed, but that didn’t keep it from giving me a good shock everytime the buggy hit a bump.
Third, the whole episode reminded me of the time Eddie Cobb and I took our dirty dishes to the car wash.
We were students at the University of Arkansas, and we were not famed for keeping a clean apartment. Our other roommate has threatened me with bodily harm if I use his name, so I won’t.
On the night before we went home for Spring Break, we made chili on the stove in the apartment (actually, ‘apartment’ is a misnomer. It was a little bitty frame house with a ‘Condemned by City of Fayetteville Health Department’ sign in the front yard).
We argued over whose turn it was to wash dishes. And naturally we left town without washing them.
When we returned a week later, there was nuclear green stuff growing in the pan and on the dishes. We decided that the best way to clean them was at the car wash. We balanced them on the car roof and drove slowly to the nearest carwash where we put numerous quarters to work. We had to start off with the ‘Bug and Road Tar Remover’ setting; then put in more quarters for Soapy Wash; and finally, Power Rinse. We declined to Wax.
That was 47 years ago and we still haven’t settled the argument about whose time it was to wash the dishes.
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ANIMAL CRACKERS.
Leaving the courthouse Thursday morning, I heard a deafening banging coming from the basement. Stuck my head back inside the nearest office and was told there was some loud work underway on the building’s heat/cooling system. I left the building again and looked around.
Every time there was another basement bang, a wad of bats blew out of the unused chimney opening. Then, I realized that I could see hundreds of bats circling the building and the nearby First Baptist Church complex.
When things quieten down, those bats will attempt to return to the courthouse chimney. And if they can’t get in, they’ll be looking for a new home. Just giving you fair warning.
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THE TWINS. Slim and None — Life ain’t fair. They never had much of a chance.
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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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HE SAID: “We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining – they just shine.” Dwight L. Moody, evangelist
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SHE SAID: “Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.” Alice Walker, novelist and activist
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
