IT’S SO EASY even an idiot can assemble this neat little thingy.
That was the gist of a note attached on the outside of the largish box which contained the pieces and instructions (in 3 different languages) for a swell poolside cooler on wheels which my loving daughter gave me for Christmas.
I figgered I needed to finally get around to doing something with it because the box had sat out in the weather since the day after Christmas.
And, because of the note assuring me how easy the assembly would be I wasn’t the least bit intimidated by the project. So on a sunny afternoon last week, I tugged the box out from the shadows, plopped down into a patio chair and proceeded to read the directions. “I’ll have this whipped before it gets dark,” I said smugly.
There were only 11 pieces of plastic plus two sacks of smaller pieces which I recognized to be mostly rollers. Simple dimple, easy peasy.
Yep, I’ll have this thingy whipped out before it starts getting dark and cold.
Step 1. I can’t clearly remember what Step 1 was except to say that I tried to do it for an hour without success. I read and re-read the instructions. And even tried to read the instructions that were in Spanish and French. I didn’t bother with the Japanese for obvious reasons.
I fell out of my chair sobbing, twice. I may have resorted to some language of my old nautical days.
Step 1 involved only three of the pieces, and I needed merely to press something into the something of Side A, and at the same time press something into the something of Side B.
DO NOT press the wrong thing into the wrong thing or you’ll ruin your neat thingy and invalidate any warranty on any product from this manufacturererer forever. Wow! That was pretty strong.
Faced with the uncertainty of a lifetime of warranty invalidations, and frustrated by the Simple Dimple instructions, I did what any sane person would do:
I called JB Davis, Aggie expert. Yes, that is an oxymoron.
He arrived at my patio with about one hour of sunlight left. He brought a large collection of sophisticated tools even though I had told him that the ‘idiot’ note bragged that no tools would be needed.
We labored for that last remaining hour of daylight. And did I mention that the cold had returned? Well, it had. I was holding a small flashlight between my chattering teeth but I didn’t help much with the project.
JB allowed as how we might as well continue our efforts next day when we could see and weren’t shivvering. He hauled the 11 pieces and the small sacks out to his place.
Next day, with the assistance of at least one highway engineer and a precocious teenager, it took us a mere four hours to finish the project.
I am skipping details of Steps 2 thru 18.
BEGINNING TO GET WORRIED about this whole Comrade President Trump and Russia thing. I have a lot of friends on the right hand side of the aisle who would forgive Comrade President just about anything except if he went into the girls bathroom.
THE GOOD EARTH.
Are you, like me, hearing reports from sane people about a wide variety of bushes blooming early?
ANIMAL CRACKERS. A few years ago I started putting raw in-shell peanuts on a low exposed table on my patio. Flocks of blue jays responded first. They’d wing in, scoop up a peanut, and fly away. Then I noticed that an occasional jay would gulp one peanut deep into its gullet and grab another in its beak before flying off.
In the meantime cardinals got interested in peanuts, but they were scared away from the table by the blue jays. And they had trouble grabbing a peanut in their smaller beaks. At some point, however, the cardinals got brave enough to stare down the blue jays. They began making off with lots of peanuts, although none of them mastered the art of taking away two at a time.
The latest development is a little bitty bird which are somehow now manages to take away some of the smaller peanuts. I haven’t identified them yet. They are not sparrows. They appear to be sort of a blue-gray color, not a bluebird. My eyes are bad enough that I cannot see if there is a crest or other distinctive marking, but I’ll get there eventually when I remember to take binoculars outside.
THE TWINS. Nuts and Bolts — they’re so good at holding things together.
THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain.
HE SAID: “Worldly fame is but a breath of wind that blows now this way, and now that, and changes name as it changes direction.” Dante Alighieri, Italian poet
SHE SAID: “I often lay on that bench looking up into the tree, past the trunk and up into the branches. It was particularly fine at night with the stars above the tree.” Georgia O’Keeffe, American artist
SWEET DREAMS, Baby