ONE DOWN. Two to go. Because my swell new buggy has a clock that changes itself every time DST rolls around, there are only two clocks remaining in my household that need human assistance in order to fall back or spring forward.
Those would be the timer on my 1977 model oven, and the swell digital AM/FM/CD clock radio which has been on the bedside table for two years.
First of all, the oven. On the face of the clock there are some arrows indicating (to me) that the hands of the clock should always be moved ‘clockwise’ when the time needs adjusting. I am so ashamed that my oven is sooooooo old that it doesn’t have a digital clock to tell me how much longer to burn something in the oven.
Now, adjusting the clock in the fall COULD be easy. Just turn the hour hand back one hour. BUT NO! The arrows on the clock face instruct me to turn the hour hand forward 11 hours so that the time is right. It’s a struggle because I can only advance the hour hand a little bit at a time. So I twist the thingy and I twist the thingy and suddenly I’ve run out of my attention span and I twist the thingy until — unfortunately — I twist it juuuuust a little bit past the right time. So I have to twist the thingy again all the way around until I get it right. It would be so easy if only I could turn the hand counter-clockwise. I realize that a lot of you are ignorant of clocks that actually have ‘hands.’
When the time was finally fixed on the oven clock, that left only the swell digital 2-year-old AM/FM/CD bedside clock radio to adjust.
The reason it’s only two years old is that I had to destroy its predecessor because it was just too difficult to spring forward or fall back. I tried and tried. I went over the instructions many times in English and in French (well, I really didn’t read instructions in French because I can’t read French but I sure as H##L can talk to inanimate objects in French when they insist upon fighting me).
To make a long story short, I had to go get a new clock. And had to go back to the same exact store that sold me all of those electrical can-openers that came apart for easy cleaning last year. But that’s another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.
So, Sunday on my way out the door to go to church, I said to myself: “I’ve got a couple of minutes to spare, so I think I’ll just go ahead and adjust my swell digital bedside clock.”
But, dang it, no matter what I did I couldn’t adjust the clock. I read the instructions. I spoke clearly and carefully and unsuccessfully in French until I finally had to smash the danged thing with my fist.
I tossed the old clock radio into the trash can and drove myself to the hospital emergency room for some stitches in my hand.
It made me late for church. In fact, when I got there I met everyone else coming out the door. “Well, here’s another person who forgot to change their clock for Daylight-Saving Time,” the minister chuckled good-naturedly.
I would have smote him except my hitting hand was bandaged.
CLOSING TIME. Saturday was the last night at the Electric Cowboy, a Texarkana nightclub out on Hwy. 67. It used to be called “The Pines.”
I’m relatively sure that none of you ever closed the Pines down on a Saturday night, so I won’t comment further.
HEARD FROM. Friend Tim Pinkerton says he did his early voting duty one day, and got his flu shot on the next. “It hurt lots worse to vote,” he says.
THE TWINS. Last nite I dreamed I had a 30-minute visit with my favorite ‘older’ couple, Desi and Lucy. The dream was in living black and white.
HOG HATS. Even though I am the Official Number One Fair Weather Razorback Fan, I noticed something on the front of their helmets, last Saturday.
It said, “WPS.”
I have figgered out what it means.
War Pemorial Stadium.
THINGS I LEARNED FROM opening email: Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
I KNOW I mentioned this before, but out of 113 million-plus Americans, are Hillary and Donald the best candidates the political parties can come up with?
And, yes, voting hurt lots worse than the flu shot.
HE SAID: “One of the reasons that New York became great was that it’s serviced by many, many different rivers and waterways. You have the Atlantic Ocean connected virtually right to it, and it’s serviced by the East River and the Hudson River and lots of tributaries.” Donald Trump, presidential candidate
SHE SAID: “Well, I will be a president for Democrats, Republicans and independents, for the struggling, the striving, the successful, for all those who vote for me and for those who don’t. For all Americans together.” Hillary Clinton, presidential candidate
SWEET DREAMS, Baby