AN IMPORTANT DATE is approaching.
It’s the Autumnal Equinox and it’ll occur on Thursday, Sept. 22. This is not only the end of summer, as declared by the Arkansas House of Representatives, it is one of two days of the year when the plane (an imaginary line) of Earth’s equator lines up exactly through the center of the Sun thereby making day and night EXACTLY the same length.
Well, not exactly. See, in some places the night might be a blink of an eye longer than the day. And in other places, the day might be a blink of an eye longer than the night.
It’s all very complicated and I don’t want to waste time trying to explaining it to Trump supporters who wouldn’t listen, anyway.
At the same time, I don’t want to waste time lying to Hillary supporters about how much I know or don’t know about equinoxessesses (I’ll just send them an email).
So, let’s just assume that on this particular date, times of light and dark will be NEARLY the same.
It is all worthy of note because it is only on the Spring Equinox (March) and the Autumnal Equinox (September) that I scrub the shower stall in my bathroom.
Lucky for me, I still have lots of All New Fresh Comet Cleanser to do the job. As both of you know, I bought a case of All New Fresh Comet Cleanser a couple of equinoxessesses ago, and, lucky for me, it came in the new introductory size which included 40% more absolutely free. That’s why I bought it in the first place.
I probably have enough All New Fresh Comet Cleanser to get me through eight or nine more equinoxessesses.
When I bought the cleanser I also bought a very large bag of cheap imitation sponges with which to apply the dampened All New Fresh Comet Cleanser to the scummy surface of the shower stall.
Well, you just wouldn’t believe the stuff that washes down the drain when I scrub the stall.
But the Nashville Public Works Department believes.
Every year just before the Official Spring Equinox and the Autumnal Equinox shower stall scrubbing I get a letter from NPWD asking me to give them 48 hours notice before scrubbing.
“Please give our valued employees time to prepare for this infusion of scummy stuff into the city sewers,” the semi-annual letter states. The city only changes the date on the same letter they send every year.
ANIMAL CRACKERS. The bugs know that the autumnal equinox is only a few says away so they’re frantically throwing themselves at my windshield for one last time before the first frost puts them out of business.
On a Sunday afternoon drive, when all good large insects should have been hiding in the shade, no less than a dozen big, fat ones splattered on my windshield. I had to spend 15 minutes with a scrubber and liquid soap, Monday morning, just getting to the point that I could see to drive safely.
The fire ants in my yard sent me a letter asking me to give them more warning before washing scummy bug stuff off the windshield and onto ‘their’ lawn.
HOG HATS. Briefly during the TCU game, the camera swept its gaze across the back of a Razorback player trotting toward the sideline after a kickoff. The jersey said Pettway. And the hoss from Hope got to play a bunch and he pancaked the TCU quarterback on one play. I notice that he wore number 3. Wonder if the Hog coaches have contemplated letting him run the ball in short yardage situations. I say that remembering what a handful he was the last time he played against the Scrappers.
My heart is still thumping from watching that Razorback game. Uncharacteristically, I stayed in front of the screen for the whole game — only leaving at halftime to go to Starz for a large unsweetened iced tea. Remember, I’m the posterboy for Fair Weather Fan?
I’ll probably drive around for a few days with the Hog magnetic stickers stuck to the doors and tailgate of my buggy. I wish I could take off from work and drive to Ft. Worth for the scummy Frog fans to see.
A TWIN VISIT. Just had a brief visit with the unhappy twins — Stumble and Fall.
I KNOW I mentioned this before, but out of 113 million-plus Americans, are Hillary and Donald the best candidates the political parties can come up with?
WISDOM I WAS EXPOSED TO from opening email: The road to success runs uphill, so don’t expect to break any speed records.
HE SAID: “A house without books is like a room without windows. No man has a right to bring up his children without surrounding them with books, if he has the means to buy them.” Horace Mann, education reformer
SHE SAID: “There are moments when a man’s imagination, so easily subdued to what it lives in, suddenly rises above its daily level and surveys the long windings of destiny.” Edith Wharton, short story writer
SWEET DREAMS, Baby