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Pokin’ Fun by Doc Blakely

At a reception for a party recently a jovial fellow with a big smile jokingly told me, “There are only two kinds of people, those who know me and those who wish they didn’t!” A friend of his quipped, “Wait a minute. I don’t know which category I fit in.” Another chimed in, “I fall into both of’em!”
Creative people are hanging around everywhere. Thank goodness for them because they lower more blood pressure and elevate more spirits than transcendental meditation and Red Bull put together.
I was down at the Livestock Auction participating in a Liar’s contest the day after a sale when two guys related a couple of stories from their repertoire. I’ll call them Flim and Flam.
Flim said he was contracting to supply bucking stock to a big rodeo in Louisiana. “In that day and time they didn’t take anything but cash for speeding tickets in Louisiana. I had $5 cash in my pocket. The officer told me if I didn’t come up with $250 in cash I was going straight to jail. I knew that my secretary was not far behind me and had lots of cash from the rodeo entry fees in the trunk of her car. I told him to pull over the car I pointed out, which he did. I told her I needed some cash and to pop the trunk lid open. She did. That trunk was full of money. He yelled up at her, ‘ M’am, what y’all did, rob a bank?’ She said, ‘I don’t know what he did. I was just hired to drive what he calls the get-away car.’ I finally explained that she had a wicked sense of humor, convinced him I was telling the truth and gave him three $100 bills to pay the $250. He said he didn’t have any change but if I’d wait a while he’d pull over another motorist with an out of state license plate. I told him I usually tipped 20% and eased on in second gear all the way to Texas.”
Flam, the other joker, related the story of a cowboy that had a white, felt, cowboy hat that had gotten so soiled that it could have had a starring role in a commercial for Jiffy Lube oil change. He didn’t want to spend the money to have it professionally cleaned by a hatter. Somebody said a clear solvent would work so he found a couple of cans of lighter fluid that did the trick but then it reeked of that odor so he put it in an unlit oven to let it dry out on the rack and closed the door to keep the lighter fluid fumes from burning his eyes. The pilot light eventually ignited the fumes, blew off the door of the oven, destroyed the hat, and blew him into the front yard. Flam claims, “He pioneered the switch from felt hats to baseball caps for cowboys.” www.docblakely.com

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