YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out my window on Main Street, and when I stumble through my keyboard to produce this column each week I try to be amusing. But, lately I’ve strayed too often into serious stuff.
Must do so, briefly, this week.
It’s all this shooting. First, the two children in Minnesota who were literally in a church service at the start of their school day. Next, the podcaster guy who was murdered on a college campus while he was speaking to students.
Frankly, I had never heard of the Kirk guy before he was assassinated. I cringe when I see comments from people who celebrate his death and, equally, the others who think he almost walked on water.
When did we become so spread apart and hostile to people who have different opinions?
I saw a preacher’s online comment that the U.S. has had 57 times more school shootings than the entire rest of the civilized word combined.
Our schools? I know for a fact that extra steps are taken here to keep the schools safe from shooters because I deliver copies of the newspaper to local schools every Wednesday morning. I have to be ‘buzzed in’ at each school and I walk through a metal detector. Plus, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and the folks in the administrative offices — through the miracle of video epuipment — recognize me before they let me in.
The guy who was killed at the Utah college, ironically, had previously said it was sad but some lives would be lost in order to defend the 2nd Amendment. I saw that clip on the news several time.
The governor of Utah and the President of the United States unfortunately jumped to conclusions about the shooter that were later questioned.
Their statements just perpetuated misinformation and hate.
Things are not going to get better unless someone buttons his lip.
I am sorry Charlie Kirk was murdered. But the flag shouldn’t be lowered to half staff to honor a divisive podcaster, whether or not you supported his vision. That honor is reserved for others.
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A CLOSE CALL. It’s a wonder I manage to stay out of the court news.
The article might say “indecent exposure.”
Our trash carts are emptied on Tuesdays here in Nashville. Normally, when I go home from work the Waste Management company truck has already been by and the cart is empty.
Last week I went home a bit early. I still had a styrofoam cup full of iced tea.
I went out streetside to drag the cart back to my carport, and the cellphone in my pocket chirpped. So, I had the cup of tea in one hand and was dragging cart with the other.
I was afraid to miss a call and I couldn’t let go of the cart, so I tucked the styrofoam cup between my shoulder and my third and fourth chins.
It was a real important phone call from a candidate who has changed his tune about exposing the names on the Epstein List. Somehow I managed to talk to the candidate, drag the cart and hold onto my tea all at the same time. Too bad it wasn’t on video.
I had high hopes of reaching the privacy of the carport just a few steps away.
As I made my way one of the suspenders clips holding up my pants unfortunately came aloose and the pants began to fall slowly.
I still had high hopes of getting to the carport without exposing my red Razorback Hog Wild boxer shorts, but that hope was getting remote.
The candidate still wanted to talk about anything other than the Epstein List, and the ice tea began to slosh down the front of my shirt.
As the pants went south, I spread my knees in hopes of slowing the slide of the shorts. It made me waddle instead of walking normally.
So here I was, was waddling furiously toward the carport, iced tea sloshing down my tummy, and the candidate rattling along in my ear.
Things I couldn’t get worse, I stoopidly said to myself.
Why, oh why, did I tempt fate like that?
I heard some tires screech. It was a neighbor lady who was stunned at this sight of me waddling and dragging the trash cart.
She finally regained her composure and made her getaway with a burst of speed. Tires squalled.
Unfortunately she ran over another neighbor’s trash cart just up the street.
I got to the carport without losing my pants. I returned the trashcart to its rightful place, and I even managed to save a bit of the iced tea.
Two days later the city sent me a bill for the neighbor’s smushed trashcart. At least I didn’t make the court news in the paper.
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MORE THINGS I LEARNED from opening an email: “Chickens. The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.”
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WORD GAMES. I love oxymorons: She finally relented and went on a blind date. He turned out to be Pretty Ugly.
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HE SAID: “We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.” Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States
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SHE SAID: “When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.” Ilka Chase, socialite and TV personality
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
