YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out my window on Main Street, and I am officially notifying you that this week is the 13th anniversary of the Nashville City Council’s passage of Ordinance No. 920 prohibiting ‘J-Turns’ in downtown Nashville.
The vote by the aldermen was unanimous, and the topic was introduced by then-Mayor Billy Ray Jones.
According to the newspaper article, the then-police chief said that drivers would be given a “grace period” before his officers actually gave out real J-Turn tickets.
That ‘grace period’ seems to exist to this very day.
• To be clear, the ordinance described a J-Turn as a partial U-Turn across the oncoming traffic lane in order to get to a parking spot on the other side. This is only in the Central Business District of Nashville.
• To be clear again there’s no way to describe a J-Turn to a simpleton.
• And to be even clearer, Main Street ‘U Turns’ were already prohibited by law.
But, as we all know, a U-Turn ain’t near as vexing as a J-Turn.
The city is in dire need of a person of good character and sharply-pressed camo uniform to come forward to serve as our duly authorized J-Turn Enforcement Officer.
Armament at his or her discretion, of course, with an impressive oath of office to be sworn at a city council meeting with appropriate media photographers present.
All of the people involved in our town’s J-Turn dilemma — the mayor, council, district court, city cops and everyday drivers — were most likely distracted from the importance of this Ordinance 920 by the impending Presidential election which was then only a couple of months away.
During that time I had modestly publicized my write-in candidacy for President. My vice-president would be any of the Kardashians that happened to be available at that time.
The problem with the write-in candidacy was our newfangled voting machines. There was no way to write in a write-in candidate, no matter how worthy of being written in.
My campaign was going nowhere until I asked voters to ‘like’ me on Facebook.
Maybe you still remember my campaign promise:
“I will do as good as I can, and I will only steal what I need.”
If I had been on the Epstein List I would have bragged.
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LET’S EAT. My dining world has been turned upside-down.
Since I am a bachelor who is no longer concerned with waistline, I order out often.
First I lost Patacakes. Then Fisherman’s Cove stopped doing lunch on weekdays. Trish Lingo (Trish’s BBQ) died; bless her. Hickory House began closing on Saturday. And KFC closed permanently. Then Starz stopped cooking breakfast. As did Taco Bell.
I was already unhappy that McDonald’s dropped salads from the menu. I can’t even talk about the loss of Western Sizzlin. Who have I omitted? I’ll try to learn how to order in Italian.
I realize it must be very very difficult to operate a food business these days, but none of these places have offered an alternative.
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INTERESTED IN THEATRE? Persons who are interested in acting, directing, set design, costumes, or simply supporting theatre arts are invited to contact Southwest Arkansas Arts Council at [email protected]. There’s gonna be a meeting at Hope.
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ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I have run out of ‘thoughts and prayers’ following the most recent school shooting. I beg our national legislators to show the nation they are willing and able to at least have a conversation on gun availability.
These murderous acts are all too common nowadays, and I believe it is part of a national illness. It is so common that we almost expect some story like the Minnesota church shooting in the morning news.
We — meaning our whole nation — need to sit down and shout at each other about some solution that could save innocent lives. It would be a start. It might not make the gun lobby happy.
I do not propose conficating firearms outright.
Here’s one thing that gives me hope that there is still some moral character in the halls of the Capitol:
Some legislators — GOP and Dems — are going to introduce a bill that would forbid members of congress to buy or sell stocks. They sorta have ‘inside’ information that the rest of the country doesn’t.
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MORE THINGS I LEARNED from opening an email: “Half the people you know are below average.”
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WORD GAMES. I love oxymorons: When he doesn’t get his way he can be a Big Baby.
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HE SAID: “We, the People, recognize that we have responsibilities as well as rights; that our destinies are bound together; that a freedom which only asks what’s in it for me, a freedom without a commitment to others, a freedom without love or charity or duty or patriotism, is unworthy of our founding ideals, and those who died in their defense.” Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States
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SHE SAID: “I realize that patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone.” Edith Cavell, WWI nurse
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
